Resistance Rooted in Childhood Religion

The tentacles and therefore potential chains of my childhood religious upbringing can run deep. Far deeper than I even have given it credit.

When I felt compelled to become more active in my Spirituality several years ago I recognized the need to strip away old programming to create space for the Spiritual foundation I craved. What I did not realize was how much resistance I would consistently muster to ensure I did not become part of a post-christian statistic or even rely too heavily on old teachings simply because they were comfortable and contribute to some sort of personal stagnation.

For example, when I realized I prefer Deity connection to be an aspect of my Spirituality I was faced with the work of figuring out how that preference would manifest: One Diety? Multiple? Male? Female? Both? On a subconscious level that slowly presented itself in my consciousness the more connected was an awareness of how much I did not want to simply leave a dominant masculine monotheism and jump straight into a feminine dominated practice. Although there is nothing wrong with this path, or any other variation that you may sculpt together for your personal Spiritual growth and connection, it just felt like to simple of a leap. Potentially even rebellion driven. Essentially, not authentic. And this is where the secondary chains of religious upbringing held me captive: Suddenly I was not just facing the desire to simply just strip away what remained from my childhood, but I was also strangling myself with the need to validate every decision as based in authenticity in what I desired or felt called to versus some spiritual act of rebelliousness.

In time my personal connection and process grew, and I no longer felt that need to analyze everything in the scope of authenticity versus rebelliousness. Although, I do understand this may be a weaving theme that persists, yet weakens, with each turn I visit it within my personal Spiritual labyrinth. Most recently I had to reconsider this influence in moving forward when I recognized the connection with my main Diety comes through both as a Mother of Darkness as well as the Mother of Light in correspondence with the seasons.

Every year as the season transitioned into spring I experienced the shifts in my personal practice and connections reflect the changes. I knew my Dark Mother of the Cosmos was still present, but Her presence was different. I spent years trying to connect Her Season of Light presence with the various Goddesses of Love and Light and Family but every connection always seemed close but not quite adequate. Until I opened myself to the Holy Mother of Light through Mary.

The old resistance returned, this time presenting as a need to maintain a distance from any connection to this religion I had spent so much of my adult life seemingly walking away from. Yet, here I was, seeing all the values of my Dark Mother of the Cosmos in her light form presented as the Holy Mother of Light.

Allowing myself to break down my resistance based solely on external judgement or validation of my Spiritual connections I have experienced the first Season of Light connections more whole-y than prior years since I’ve committed to this more witch path.