Healing through Chaos

The events of the last year were particularly hard for me. I prefer a certain amount of order. And out of that I like it when I have a hand in a certain amount of control of that order.

For a couple of years prior I had received multiple messages about my need to control events and my need to have a firm grip on control in my life. I had been stalked by the Chariot card in many of my tarot decks, along with the Justice card as well as the Temperance card. They always came with messages of a need to release my grip, become more fluid, learn to balance how I was being flexible, learn to flow with the current especially when the waters become turbulent.

I put in time with these messages, doing the work I thought necessary to work through these personal shadows of control. I stripped away the many layers of self-preservation techniques I had mastered to get to the root of this need to be in control.

I worked on my Root Chakra and inner child work, recognizing the imbalances I had experienced as a young child contributed to this need. And I made progress.

I know I made progress because as hard as 2020 was on me I took it in far better stride had I not done this work leading into that year of chaos!

Life still remains uncertain. Truth is, that's a truth of life no matter what year it is. But facing and healing the lingering shadows from events that cause blockages has helped me become more flexible in how I manage and bow I work with my need to control events and situations in my life, and to recognize when an event or situation will unnecessarily drain my energy if I give it focus. Most importantly, understanding how to use these aspects of personal shadows as personal strengths. It's just as unhealthy to try to cut out or ignore my need to control as it was to give in fully.

As usual, it is about balance.

Learning this about myself allows me to face and heal past experiences in such a way that leaves me feeling stronger and empowered.

And, to me, that's what this work is all about!